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Sunday, December 6, 2015

Happy?

“Are you happy?” is a hard question to answer.
In general, yes. I’m grand. My life has never been better.
I’ve got good grades, awesome friends, and a family some would kill for. 
This town may be small, but it knows me, 
I’ve got a life here. A future. I’ve got everything to live for. 
But I wish I could tell you about the days when I’m not happy, 
How sometimes this house doesn’t feel like a home
And this town feels like a daydream.
I wish I could tell you about the days 
Those ones where I can’t find myself in the mirror
Or feel myself beneath the hot shower water.
I wish I could talk to you about the days 
Where I am not happy.
But it’s easier to say I’m better now
Than to tell you that some days are still really hard to get through

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Dear Mom, from your (almost) adult daughter.

Dear Mom, 
When it comes to the genetic lottery, there's no way to deny that I lucked out; Between my wonderful siblings, my fantastic father, and extended family that is always fun to be around I am very blessed. But I think one of my favorite parts about my family is you.  My amazing, caring, sweet, beautiful, adorkable mama. And I wanted to take a minute to say thank you.  

Thank you for teaching me.  Thank you for all the wonderful things you taught me. How to knit and how to read. How to drive and how to make mashed potatoes. Thank you for teaching me how to pray and that Christian music isn't always boring.  Thank you for being patient when I didn't want to learn, and for being ecstatic when I finally understood. Thank you for all the other life lesson you've taught me in the past nineteen years that I'm sure I never gave you proper credit for.  And thank you for continuing to teach me now and forever.  

Thank you for being loud.  Thank you for showing me ever since I was young that I didn't need to be quiet to be a lady. Thank you for sharing your opinions. Thank you for always being the loudest laughter in the room. Thank you for teaching me inadvertently ever since I was young how to use my voice. Also thank you for teaching me that just because you can stay quiet, doesn't mean you should.  

Thank you for letting me win. Thank you for picking your battles when it came to raising me. Thank you for not calling me out when I cheated at board games with my siblings and you were the only one who saw. Thank you for finally forgoing your house wide ban on skinny jeans when I begged and pleaded about it at 15. Thank you for not giving me the fifth degree whenever I want to go out with my friends. Thank you for all the times you've ever said "you're an adult do what you want". Thank you for listening to me when I was trying to convince you to let me get another piercing and for showing me that if I do my research and have good reasons and presentation skills, I can change a persons mind.  Thank you for all the little battles you've ignored throughout my life, because you didn't want to have a fight.  

Thank you for letting me be a daddy's girl.  Or a big brother's girl, or a sister's girl, or a friend's girl, or anybody else's girl.  Basically, thank you for never showing me any bitterness when I choose somebody else over you. Thank you for not showing me any ill will when I completely ignored you in order to spend time with other people.  Thank you for graciously letting me make my choices, and for still being there when I (always) came back. 

Thank you for always answering your phone. From when  I was little and called you from a friends house in the middle of the night because I just wanted to come home. Or when I was sixteen and was crying in my bedroom over my "best-friend break-up" and texted you while you were just downstairs. Or a few weeks ago when I went to Florida by myself to see my sister and called you at 9am on your busiest workday of the week, because I didn't want to come home and I needed a reminder of why I should. Or all the times I text you with little stupid questions that I should probably know the answer to.  Thank you for always answering the phone.  Thank you for always picking up the phone and for never showing annoyance at the constant question asking. 

Basically Mom, thank you for being you. Thank you for being a constant in my life when so many things have gone crazy, and for showing me how to never give up hope.  

Love, 
Your (almost) adult daughter. 

P.S. Thank you for giving me some of your looks. I know you had no say in the matter, but I love looking in the mirror and seeing your freckles on my face.